online store

Free Delivery

on orders over £40

Valid on all of our products.

Customer Support

0121 371 0826  or  0800 046 1687

FREEPHONE us with any enquiries.

Tempt Me Tease Me are an online store offering the very best prices to customers

Please note: Product ordering has been temporarily disabled.

Essential Bondage & BDSM Guide: Baby Steps for Newbies

Blacklight bondage and BDSM Essential bondage and BDSM guide

What’s so great about bondage?

In a famous incident, British racing boss Robin Myrtle Mortimer died during a S&M session with Mistress Lucrezia, a European dominatrix.

In a separate incident,  Edouard Stern, a billionaire French investment banker was tragically killed during a S&M session and his lover was jailed for manslaughter.

Restriction of movement has always fascinated adventurous lovers. The thrill of this kind of engagement comes from being dominated and made helpless during the act of sex, for those who enjoy being subjugated. Alternatively, an equally great 'turn on' is the sense of power over the other person and being in control if you’re a dominating type.

For many lovers, it’s an opportunity to break away from the normal fantroutine, go wild and act out their darkest fantasies. The games and the play acting can only work if both parties are willing to play. This is the first step. Both partners have to be completely up for it. If either party are unwilling, have concerns, or feel pressurised, it’s unethical and a serious breach of the law. It can also be a terrible and traumatic experience, so the golden rule here is consent - any participation in bondage and BDSM needs to be 100% consensual on both sides.

Dominant or submissive

There is an infectious sexual energy released by both partners in the game of bondage which attracts people to play these games. Some partners enjoy the feeling of being tied up and they become relaxed and allow the dominant partner to pleasure and relieve them of sexual tension. If this sounds like you, then you're a submissive type. Others enjoy struggling against their restraints and against the partner, building up the excitement, ultimately leading to the control of over the other. In this case, you're most likely a dominant type. Not only does this kind of sex play allow both partners to act out forbidden fantasies, it also increases the sexual magnetism that one partner enjoys through the act of domination.

Are you dominant or submissive? Are you dominant or submissive?

In this bondage and BDSM guide, we walk you through the important ‘must know’ concepts in BDSM.

Lets set the ground rules

Safety first

If you ask anyone, they will tell you that the first rule of BDSM is communication. Both partners must never forget that it's just a game and shouldn't get carried away. Often this obliterates the thin line between fantasy and reality, and people can get hurt. In order to preserve the fun element as well as playing safe, it's important to establish a few ground rules of engagement right from the start. As mentioned above, any BDSM needs to be 100% consensual on both sides.

Safe word

Both partners need to agree on a secret code word or phrase that immediately results in a stoppage. This word shouldn't be anything that either partner could say accidentally or in conversation. When either partner utters the word or phrase, the game stops.

Trust

Bondage games can only be enjoyed with someone you know well enough to trust. It's dangerous to play these games with someone you’ve only just met. Human beings are complex animals and without fully understanding the psyche of the other partner, it would be foolish to put yourself in a dangerous and vulnerable situation.

Be specific

Just like any other game, it's important to establish the rules of the game before starting and be specific. This is particularly important if the other partner is a complete novice to BDSM. Because the fantasy is acted out in the flesh, it can be a scary experience for the passive partner if he/she starts to believe that they've been conned into playing into your hands and that you are now about to harm them. Such a situation can be disastrous, resulting in the person completely freaking out.

Drink and drugs

Do not play these games if you or your partner had been drinking heavily or aren't in your 'normal' frame of mind. Many couples enjoy being slightly intoxicated in order to break the ice at the start of a bondage session, we can all relate to this. However, being too drunk, high or both can result in either partner's inability to understand when the game has crossed the threshold between fantasy and actual torture and harm. Also, since these games usually involve the use of restraints such as rope, collars, handcuffs and chains, there is a high risk of injury, including fatal strangulation if it goes too far. An intoxicated person may not understand when this happens.

Accessories

In a famous incident, Kevin Gilbert musician and songwriter and leader of the band Toy Matinee, died from autoerotic asphyxiation during a S&M session in which he was being choked to achieve a harder erection.

The use of accessories during the game is quite common. However it's important to use items that have been purpose-built for these sessions. Never tie something around a person's neck that hasn't been made for this purpose, as it could cut off the blood supply to the brain resulting in serious injuries, choking or strangulation. Some partners like to blindfold and gag the other partner. While a blindfold can be really exciting, bringing in a new dark dimension to the role-play, gags can be dangerous. A gag can easily slip over the mouth over the nose, or cut-off the person's air supply, resulting in asphyxiation. Never ever put a plastic bag over the other person's head as the person can stop breathing suddenly. Even a short duration of asphyxiation is enough to kill or cause severe brain damage.

If you are relatively new to BDSM, it's a good idea not to mess around with complex accessories, devices or equipment. As with all things in life, common sense should apply and just as you wouldn't try driving a high-speed racing car when you renew driver in the same way complex BDSM equipment should be avoided until you gain more experience.

Ne’er leave ‘em alone

Never leave someone alone after tying them up. It's a bad idea to go out or do anything else during the game. If you leave your partner tied up you have no way of knowing when the bonds can become potentially dangerous and restricting the supply of blood to other parts of the body.

Avoid remote locations

We know that couples love privacy when it comes to sexual activities, however, playing BDSM games in a remote place, where there is no access or means of communication can be potentially dangerous. If either partner becomes ill suddenly, it is imperative to call an ambulance right away. Failing to do so could be fatal.

Always remember that BDSM can be a lot of fun and excitement, but not at the cost of personal safety.

Popular BDSM games

Master slave kinky coin

A popular category of BDSM is the master slave concept. Your partner and you can use this themed role-play to act out your wildest fantasies. One of you will take on the dominant role of the master and the other will take on a submissive position and be the slave. You can either pre-decide according to each other's sexual preferences or simply flip a coin and pick a side. The master controls the game and the other partner has to do everything the master tells him/her to do. The game can become even more exciting if some effort is taken to create a setting, including lighting. Needless to say, accessories like handcuffs, blindfolds, restraints, etc., can bring the game to life. This game has many different popular versions, such as, teacher – naughty schoolgirl, doctor – nurse (in uniform) and of course, slave in chains. Remember, as discussed earlier, a safe word is a must when the game becomes too intense and one-party once the game to stop.

Compression

This game heightens sensual feelings in both your partner and you through actions of squeezing and pinching. Needless to say, accessories can make the game more exciting. You can start with normal household items such as clothes pegs, paper clips, etc., and use them on each other. Erogenous zones of the body are popular areas to play with such as nipples, penis, ear lobes and even the area under the feet. Nipple clamps are very popular as are chastity devices. They're a category of bondage toys that can make games such as this more exciting.

Blindfolded tasting

This is a simple game which involves one partner blindfolding the other. It can also involve more techniques of restraint, such as tying the hands and feet or strapping your partner to bed, while he/she is fully undressed. The game then progresses with drizzling honey or chocolate sauce or maple syrup on parts of your partner's body and licking them up. Sensitive parts are best chosen to heighten pleasure for the receiving partner. There are many categories of aphrodisiac foods which can be used in this game to really liven things up. Once a partner has had enough, the roles can be reversed and the game played again. Another popular variation of this category of game uses temperature to shock the other person. Cubes of ice are popular playthings that can be used on the body and eaten up.

Mystery punishment cards

This is a simple game where cards are drawn at random from a deck of punishment cards and the activity is carried out. It can be fun by switching roles every time you play. There could be different variations of the game as well. Ensure you have all the right accessories ready or this could be a let-down.

Punishment

A more intense variation of the role-playing game, this involves flogging, spanking and other forms of impact. It's important to be careful with this kind of play, as one partner could get to intense and injure the other partner. Once again, use of the safe word is important. Various accessories are available at our store for punishment-based games.

Types of popular punishment and impact accessories

  • Paddles – an accessory made of leather and available in a variety of sizes, they come lined with further, silicon and other materials this is used as a tool to flog or spank your partner with. Some of them have images or words on them in order to leave a temporary mark on you.
  • Slappers – these are essentially paddles with an extra layer and can be an erotic accessory with double impact.
  • Crops – these are long and thin riding whips and can be made of soft as well as hard materials.
  • Canes - become in different sizes and materials and can be constructed of acrylate, words, metal, carbon and even papier mache. Some even have LED lights which can add to the excitement.
  • Floggers - Essentially these are whips with multiple tails and are available on most BDSM sites or adult shops. They can be made of soft materials such as suede and fur, or harder materials such as leather, ropes, rubber and even chains with spiked balls. Some conduct electricity to give your partner in light sensation. There is a special flogger with nine tails which is known as a Cat O' 9 tails.

For a full range of products such as these, see: http://www.temptmeteaseme.co.uk/bondage-whips-straps

Conclusion

So, BDSM can be a lot of fun. Many of the hints, tips and games above can be achieved with the great range of bondage accessories we have available here at Tempt Me Tease Me. We hope you've enjoyed reading this bondage and BDSM guide and that it served as a great ice breaker for introduction to the subject. Don’t be scared to experiment and as long as your partner and you take adequate precaution, nothing can go wrong. The only downside is an ever increasing appetite for sexual game play that can leave you squirming in wait for your sessions of excitement when you’re feeling bored at work. Before signing off, we would like to leave you with a final message - have fun and play safe!